Beliefs drive behaviour

Since my last musings I’ve had a bit of a break and time to consider how I’d frame this follow on post. So dear reader, let us continue where we left off.

My main point in my last post was that time management tools are a dime a dozen, and many of them are extremely effective in helping us decide what we will invest our time in. But despite the utility of these tools, I consistently come across capable leaders whose number one struggle is time scarcity. So what’s going on?

To give you insight to what I believe is a root cause, let me share an activity that I did with a group of senior leaders late last year. You can do this exercise too as you read, should the mood strike you. It may have more impact that way.

Imagine a room full of motivated and accomplished leaders, and our topic is what makes them impactful. How come they’re so successful? I put this question to them and captured their thoughts on a white board.

Their answers looked something like this:

So far so good. These are common types of things that leaders credit to being successful and I’m sure as you look at the list you will most likely be nodding your head in agreement. And let’s be clear, I value all of these things as well.

The question in the room though is how come all of these leaders are feeling overwhelmed, time poor, and in some cases close to burnout. My next question to them was designed to start flushing this out. It went like this:

What are the unintended consequences of these behaviours?

This question is predicated on the idea that every behaviour has consequences, some of which are intended and some of which are unintended. It’s a bit like Newton’s law: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In this case, for every well-intended and effective behaviour, there are unintended and sometimes unwelcome consequences.

Let me show you what I mean by way of the answers this group gave.

Here is a list of common complaints that I hear from leaders everywhere.

The point is, they are related. The first list is characteristic of what my business partner Graham likes to call ‘the conscientious leader’. Most leaders we work with fit in this category. Hard working, ethical, empathetic, driven and, more often than not, stressed, time poor, and juggling too many priorities. This is what the second list is pointing too - the unintended but nonetheless very real consequences of trying to live up to a set of beliefs of what good leadership looks like.

Hence the title of this blog, “Beliefs drive behaviour”.

So now I’m going to start getting perhaps a little controversial, so bear with me and see what you think. And if you don’t agree with what I’m about to put to you, that’s fine. This is only my opinion. You do you. With that disclaimer in place, let’s continue.

The fact is, we are not time poor. None of us.

How can I say that? The test is easy. If you look around at various people in the world, is everyone, everywhere, always time poor? Answer: no.

If you continue to look at those people and begin to sort them into categories, with an eye to finding people who are financially doing OK, time rich, and looking like they’re enjoying life for the most part, can you find such people? Answer: yes.

So being time poor is not something inherent in modern living. What then is the cause?

Based on my observations, readings, and experimentations with my own life its this: the underlying beliefs we hold about ourselves and what it means to be a leader both in our own eyes and in the eyes of other people.

Let’s cherry pick items on the first list up there to illustrate what I mean, starting with ‘available’.

When I first began my leadership career, I always thought that a hallmark of a great leader was someone who was always available to their team. “The door is always open” I would say to my team. Later, this extended to my stakeholders, customers, bosses, and pretty much anyone who wanted to talk to me about something.

But following the law that for every behaviour there is an unintended consequence, it is pretty clear that if no boundaries are put around my availability then what I will face, and did face for many years, is constant interruptions by well-meaning people who thought they needed my help in sorting out their issue. Or maybe they just wanted to give me a quick update. Or to say hi. Or whatever. Regardless of their reason, because of my belief that this is what good leaders do, my day was usually a hodge-podge of ‘bump meetings’, planned meetings, check-ins, and updates in between which I tried to get my own priorities done.

Let’s look at ‘meets deadlines’. Something that I always prided myself for was getting things done on time. Coupled with ‘commitment’ this was the belief that said, “If I agree to do something by a certain time, then I’ll get it done”. It was a matter of pride and reputation, for me at least.

My blind spot became clear to me years later, and it was hidden in the words - if I agree - and in the implied assumption that a deadline couldn’t be renegotiated if the need arose. Instead, I agreed to everything and to make matters worse, I accepted other people’s deadlines to be my own.

The result? Frantic. Combined with the first belief, “The door is always open”, I had made for myself a pretty perfect recipe for never having time for anything other than what was in front of me at the time. See ‘reactive more than proactive’, above. It’s a wonder I got anything done at all on my list.

Oh, wait. No it isn’t. Because like so many of the leaders I work with now I did what I thought was the smart thing to do to get it all done. I worked longer hours. My strategy, again very common in leaders, was to come in early and leave late so that I could focus on my priorities after the interruptions, meetings, and rush to get other people’s deadlines met had passed. Of course, that had the unintended consequence of being constantly exhausted, missing out on key events and time with my kids and wife, and writing off most weekends because I was too tired to do much more than recover and handle the ever present domestic chores that have to be done.

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the drift. The beliefs about what we hold to be true about ourselves as leaders and what good looks like are the go-to place to examine if you’re finding yourself exhausted, dissatisfied, ineffective, and otherwise feeling like you’re stuck on a never-ending loop of busy-ness with no life outside of work to speak of.

Try out the above exercise for yourself and consider what the unintended consequences are of your beliefs about yourself and good leadership. Then have a go at coming up with some alternative behaviours.

In my next offering, I’ll share some strategies that I’ve found useful in reframing my beliefs to better support my outcomes.